It is always interesting when you prepare yourself for a new project the transformation that begins to happen. Reflecting back, I realize that the preparation for this project began nearly three years ago. In shorter terms, around mid January I attended a dinner with people whom I now am honored to call friends. I had no realization at that time the profound changes and shifts that were to happen. In true fashion of my person, I even had a battle with myself on whether or not to attend this dinner. In reflection, I understand the battle and the true nature of why I was engaged.
I was asked, what seems to most, a relatively simple question. That question was "Do you remember?". Many that know me can understand the full impact of that question and why it was not such a simple one. I was told back in 1996 that there would come a time in my journey that I would face a fork in the road. I would stand at that fork for sometime having a free choice decision to make. The decision that I made would impact not only my life, but those closest to me and those I have not even met yet. I did not think at the time it was anything more than words. Words that had some riddle to them to make the messenger sound profound and wise. Little did I know.
When a person is filled with darkness and they suddenly walk into the light, those first few moments they are blinded. They can not see. After time, they adjust. The eyes come into alignment with this new vision field. It becomes so crystal clear which paths to take because now we can see far down the pathway. As one travels down this new path that is full of the bright rays of sun, life is good. Colors are vibrant and we feel at peace.
At some point during this enlightened journey, a person may come across some shaded areas. We look upward and even if the shade is simply a tree in the path, we go around it. At times even a mountain or valley may have to be traversed. Yet, the sun and moon rays still light our path. There may even be times when we have to learn to light a fire to use as a torch to see. We do all of this with fortitude and love because we trust that the sun and moon will return. We remember the darkness and beneath even a single star it is still a beacon of light to follow.
Having traveled this enlightened path for time that can be stated in decades, I have experienced the darkness and the light, the valleys and the mountains, and even the times where fires were the only source of light. Having shared that journey recently, I was reminded again of each of these phases once more.
When approaching this dinner back in mid January, I did not have the fear of not being able to see. The remembrance question was simply a reminder to reflect backwards in order to continue moving forward. I have often shared that many times I ask for neon signs so I will not have to question how to read the compass. I truly had no idea of the magnitude of the shift in direction I would be embarking on.
So I stood recently at that proverbial fork in the road that was mentioned to me over a decade ago. One path illuminated so brilliantly great distances could be seen. The other path. The other shrouded in a foggy mist that only the smallest flickers of light could be reflected back. Even those reflections could only be seen when they were caught on droplets of water that acted like prisms. One has to stop and consider why their is even a question which fork to take. To the naked eye it would appear rather apparent. The unknown of the known. The light or the dark. On the surface it seemed to be a simple decision.
Nothing is ever as it appears at first glance. I chose to at least walk through the gate of the path where the prism caught my attention. The subtle little refraction of a rainbow. As some would say, you know insatiable fascination for little shiny objects. It is not always comfortable to journey where one can not see the miles ahead. Fears crop in of the unknown. The time it takes to let your eyes readjust from the brilliance to the muted fog. It is easy to get lost without a beacon light. Within each of us exists that flight response from the unknown. Trusting yourself enough to continue down a path such as the one I began in January is difficult at the very least.
I have heard many times from those who speak and write, "Be your own light". What does being your own light really mean? I am not sure I fully understood it until recently. The only reason one would 'need' to be their own light is if they were walking into the darkest places upon earth where there was no light to begin with. As otherwise one could simply follow the light within others. I certainly have done that before as I am sure most of us have. There are some that their light is so bright that they enlighten even those they do not stand near. I am blessed and humbled to know some of these beings.
For some though, they are called to enter back into the darkest places upon the earth to find their own light within. They 'need' the darkness to inspire them to rekindle embers that have long since been dowsed. They themselves must be willing to step into the unknown and remember. They must be willing to clear out, release, and purify everything within in order for the embers to have oxygen to breath into life again. Certainly not simple tasks nor easy to undertake. Wounds that are raw and vulnerable are left behind as some things are quite literally ripped from within.
As this process has taken place over the past 5 months, I assure you just as Mother Earth is bleeding and oozing, I too have bled and wept. There are battle scars still healing.
So now days before I embark upon the next phase of this project, I pause to reflect upon the shifts happening. I am reminded once again of wise words from a man I call a friend, "learn to be the fire not just observe someone else's fire".
Will share more on the project when returns from my trip in June.